I distinctly remember coming home to Sydney from boarding school in ninth grade. My friends were preparing for a party there. “Have you shaved?” they asked me. With a confused expression, I was told to be prepared to be molested by a male student. They said to me, “That’s what boys are doing now.”
At the time, I was disgusted by what I was told, but I didn’t think it was assault. I wasn’t educated enough to recognize it. I was more curious as to why a teenage boy would welcome finger poking. It shouldn’t be fun for boys either, I thought.
Gap in empathy between men and women
Many of our understandings of consent are innate. As a toddler, you probably remember your parents grabbing your hand and squeezing it harder when you try to pull them away. You’ve probably hugged someone and felt it was time to let go. Towards the end of COVID-19, we’ve all asked for permission before shaking hands. However, this instinctive understanding seems to be forgotten in sexual contexts.
We feel so uncomfortable talking about respecting consent that violations of consent are the norm.
Consent is the gateway to joy. When you communicate with your sexual partner about their desires and what works for them, and importantly, give yourself permission to ask the same thing, the magic happens.
Reframe your view of consent
I am a victim of sexual violence. As I said earlier, 1 in 5 women do. I am also a victim of slut shaming and cyberbullying, unrealistic and dangerous standards set by pornography, rape myths, misogyny and internalized misogyny. All of this enabled my rapist to make people say to me, ‘I’d probably still go to his party if I was invited.
https://www.sbs.com.au/news/insight/article/sarah-says-consent-is-the-gateway-to-pleasure-heres-why/qei32s0lu Sarah says consent is the gateway to sexual pleasure.Here’s why