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I secretly hate sex and am afraid I’ll lose my girlfriend now.relationship

question I’m a man in his mid-20s and I happen to be asexual. No, I’m not gay. I don’t feel much physically. I don’t see it as a problem, but people jump to conclusions online. No one knows except me. I have a relationship with this lovely girl and we are only occasionally physically intimate (1-2 times a month – with her for 4 months), but she has an insatiable need It’s okay because there isn’t. But she doesn’t know who I am, so I want to be honest with her. And I’m worried she might leave me because she once said that sex solves all the problems of the relationship – I don’t agree.

For me, sex is repulsive. I hate it. I don’t feel anything, so I have a problem with my erection. She thinks it’s erectile dysfunction. I don’t want to lose her. I wish I could be with asexual people, but the scene is pretty terrible.

I want to have honest love, I’m romantic, I love hugging, kissing, hugging, snuggling, you name it, it’s not just sex. And I’m so depressed that I can’t be myself. I want to love someone who loves me equally. Love is love, love is not sex, and sex is not love. Should I tell her, or should I hide this terrible secret and bury it with a rotten body 6 feet below about 60 years later?

Philippa’s answer I was worried when I read, “I’m so depressed that I can’t be myself.” If you are not going to suffer long-term loneliness, it is important to be with others. This is especially important for partners or potential partners. It seems like a huge hurdle to you that your solution, presented as a joke, is to wait for salvation through death. I’m glad you saw this as a long way to the future, but I was worried that you mention death as a solution.

We don’t have to be the same in order to really understand and be understood by others. You don’t have to have the same feelings, lack of feelings, the same label, or the same opinion. But we need to make ourselves vulnerable to share how we are experiencing our world with ourselves and be willing to share those reactions, feelings and thoughts with others. I have. In order. The important thing is that you can get closer to understanding how someone feels and feels about them, and how they feel in our turn.

The picture that comes to my mind about this is that you reach out and pull away immediately in case you get burned. In your experience, people quickly jump to conclusions. Do you think it’s possible, and I might be wrong, did you jump to conclusions about them, and assume they gave you the same treatment? I felt overwhelmed by your words, “And no, I’m not gay.” I didn’t enjoy you in anticipation of what my reaction would be. Did I wonder if I could allow myself to be uncertain about how others would experience you? Also, when my girlfriend reported that “sex solves all the problems of the relationship,” I felt that instead of knowing her true meaning, she might make some assumptions here as well. .. interpretation. Assuming you know how others react to us, if you only have a relationship with others in your head, we don’t really have a relationship with them ..

Don’t be too early to put yourself or others in the box. Judgment is like an end and puts a brake on discovering more. Labeling something makes us less open to knowing ourselves through our own unique experiences and honest conversations with others. You experience yourself as asexual and that’s okay. This is fantastic! Like homosexuals and heterosexuals, they are healthy and sexually oriented and can maintain normal relationships. But I don’t think your asexuality needs to rule out that you are curious about yourself. Your feeling that “sex is repulsive” may be an area of ​​quest. Other questions you should ask are: Who did you get the idea that sex is repulsive? And how did your personal history influence how you think and feel about sex? The more self-aware you are about this, the more you can share it with people who want to experience intimacy. You are right, you don’t necessarily have to be sexual to experience intimacy and love, but you have to be open.

Short answer, yes, risk refusal and talk to your girlfriend. Stay open to the dialogue and don’t close the conversation on the assumption. Stay curious about yourself and others. If your girlfriend feels that she can’t live without sex, you may be sad. Sorry if any, but about 1% of adults share your orientation. I don’t see your problem as a lack of potential partners as much as the fear of getting burned. Maybe it won’t burn-just a little clever-and you can try again. Perhaps if you can stay curious, the asexual scene won’t be as bad as you might think.

If you have any questions, please send a brief email to askphilippa@observer.co.uk

I secretly hate sex and am afraid I’ll lose my girlfriend now.relationship

Source link I secretly hate sex and am afraid I’ll lose my girlfriend now.relationship

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