Angela Morard writes that after graduating from school, you need to teach your children what type of person they really want to be, rather than worrying about what they want to do.
She sent me a text when my daughter was taking a walk alone.
“I’m very tired of people asking me what I’m going to do after school,” she writes in the capital of great anger.
She apparently bumped into an adult. That’s the only question they ask someone in their 12th year.
I will send her a text message. You don’t borrow honey from anyone. “
“Yes, but they keep up with it,” she wrote the text and softened it to lowercase.
“They continue to propose different universities and I don’t care. I just want to graduate from school.”
I will send her another text. No one knows! “
When she got home, I was organizing a pile of photos. Some are polaroids. Some black and white. My daughter usually considers them in cassettes and entertainment reserved for macrame owls.
It’s strange for teens to meet their parents in another life. What looks like you lived before they whispered in space.
My teenager knows me only in the context of being her mother. Or, with a push, a journalist.
It’s not what happened to her that I was once a toddler in a crochet dress and knee-high socks, an elementary school netballer, a badly permed twenties, or a young woman who was clearly in the midst of love.
She picked up a picture of me being abandoned and laughing. I am only a few years older than her.
“It’s a very nice photo,” she says.
“When you die, we put it in your casket. You look very happy.”
I don’t want to think about my death, but I think this may be the moment I’m taught.
“Do you know what I wanted to know when the picture was taken?”
Her radar on my one-sided life advice is clearly not firing, so I continue.
“I wish I knew that it was more important to be human than human. Who we are is far more valuable than what we are doing. I have.”
That’s why our old photos always please us more than school reports, achievements and resumes. They take a living, not an effort.
Mostly, they testify who we are now, not the work we are doing or the position we want.
I tell her that everyone writes a “to-do” list, but few write a list of who they want to be.
She picked up a picture of me as a kid posing with my brother. You can see the comb line on the freshly washed hair. I’m about 7 years old and I’m wearing a holly hobby dress that my mother sewed.
My mother was a teacher at a special school, a president of a local swimming club, and a foster parent, which was what she did. Who she was-who she is-is the one who carefully sewed the dress because it makes her little girl happy and inflated.
My daughter has 8000 images on her cell phone and she is fascinated by these real pictures. She found a picture of me in my twenties in a cotton dress studded with flowers. I love the dress and have kept it for the last few years.
Talk to her about wearing at a party in one of the most exciting summers of my life in London. I remember asking Sheryl Crow and three gorgeous boys for my phone number and dancing.
But above all, the dress reminds me of my best friend Sarah for nearly 30 years.
“We are very worried about what we do, but one of the real wins in my life is that Sarah and she are very good friends to me.”
Wait a minute, I tell her, I still have that dress. I find it in the box, she tries it on, and when she sits on our back deck in the spring sunshine, I’m in the net for the photo to just catch the sun Point out that they don’t tell the story of someone we are beyond our job.
Flip through the album and laugh at my snapshots with her dad in Europe. About poppies growing for days in Tuscany and the crazy clubs of Spain, and how I ate pork in a sauce made of the darkest silky chocolate ever, it was surprisingly delicious and not strange at all. Tell her how.
I tell her how inspiring it is to read a book placed where you visit, and that you have to travel alone, somewhere, anywhere in your life. increase.
I point out that these experiences were not due to my work or achievements, but to the person I chose, tenacious and curious.
A few days later, my daughter jumped into the room with a quote discovered by Maya Angelou.
She reads it to me: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel . “
Exactly my loved one, exactly.
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I rarely send a message to the writer because I am so awe-inspiring of what they write, but Jacqueline Maley’s truth about her is very well observed and insightful. , I did just that.
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Angela Morard: The Most Valuable Advice We Can Give Children In The 12th Year
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